Funny Christmas Quote Jokes To Celebrate All Of Us Nativity Fools. Funny sayings about the holidays to keep everything in a fun perspective. Mary Mary!
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funny saying:
christmas, group 1
What I love about Christmas is that it can make people forget the past with the present.
– Don Marquis
Due to some flaws in my motor skills, I can’t fully wrap.
[gifts]….if I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummification, the pharaoh’s lower body would have been covered only with scotch tape.
– Dave Barry
As popular as Christmas, the presence of vampires makes them even bigger.
– Andy Borrowitz
I was going to exchange my sister once after Christmas, but my mom never told me where she came from.
– Melanie White
funny christmas quotes
group 2
One thing I remember about Christmas is that on Christmas Day my father used to take me by boat about 10 miles away on Christmas Day and I had to swim again. weird. It was a ritual. By the way, it wasn’t the difficult part. The hard part was getting it out of the bag.
– John Cleese
I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like all the other songs. And that alone is not enough.
– Breezer Wines
At Christmas, taste and intelligence are significantly reduced. Mature and responsible adult male wears a tie made of holly leaves and drinks alcoholic beverage with egg yolk and cottage cheese.
– PJ O’Rourke
There is something magical about Christmas. Money seems to disappear into the air.
– Melanie White
Adults can take a simple vacation for the kids and spoil it. What started around the Christmas tree by offering simple gifts to delight and surprise children culminated in a woman unpacking six shrimp forks from a puppy with her name on it.
– Erma Bombeck
The cool thing about Christmas is that it’s as essential as lightning and we all go through it together.
– Garrison Keylor
funny christmas quotes
group 3
The Supreme Court banned having nativity scenes in Washington DC. This was not for religious reasons. They did not find the three wise men and the virgin.
– Jay Leno
Thanks to you, Christmas is a state of mind. I wish my bank account status.
– Melanie White
What I don’t like about the office Christmas party is finding a job the next day.
– Phyllis dealer
A Christmas Nightmare: Singing Carols for Your Neighbors, Simon Cowell is one of them.
– From comics on Whyatt.com.au
My Christmas wish is to spend more time unwrapping gifts than unraveling tangled lights.
– Melanie White
funny christmas quotes
group 4
i love christmas I get a lot of wonderful gifts that I can’t wait to exchange.
– Henney Youngman
You can return any Christmas present you want, but you never get back time spent with relatives.
– Andy Borrowitz
Once again we find ourselves intertwined with the holiday season, a very special time when we share a centuries-old tradition like finding a parking space in a shopping mall with our loved ones.
– Dave Barry
That is the true spirit of Christmas. People who get help from people other than myself.
– Jerry Seinfeld
Xmas Trivia: It is believed that Christmas had a “religious” meaning before Christmas became a major shopping holiday.
– Andy Borrowitz
funny christmas quotes
group 5
Bloody Christmas, here again
Raise the cup of love
Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Humans
And do the dishes.
– Wendy Cope
I’m actually very sentimental about Christmas. Every Christmas I take my socks off and put them in front of the fireplace.
-Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise
Forget the origins of Boxing Day, but do you have the desire to call out your loved ones one by one and punch them in the face?
– Allison Pearson
My son Rob… said the only time to wrap a gift is “if it’s such a lousy gift that you don’t want to go there when he opens it.”
– Dave Barry
Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it up! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it up! Give it up! Give it up! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it up! Give it to me! Give it to me! – Our children are immersed in the Christmas mood
– Embed tweets
Colleague: Here’s a McDonald’s Christmas gift card.
Me: How did you know?
Colleague: I have eyes. Plus it always smells like a cheeseburger.
– Just Bill @Just Bill
funny christmas quotes
group 6
This is my new single. Please buy this so that you can receive a Christmas present for your kids this year.
– Stevie Wonder
I go through the same thing every Christmas. debt is greater.
– Melanie White
I’m all for the Christmas cheer – just don’t think you’ll find it in eggnog.
– Melanie White
The Christmas bonus I’m hoping for this year is not getting fired.
– Melanie White
If you haven’t gotten the Christmas spirit yet; It’s not too late. I heard they have a huge sale at the mall.
– Melanie White
A true Christmas miracle is when you can unwrap all the Christmas lights from last year. A double miracle if they still work.
– Melanie White
In the old days, it was not called a holiday. Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church. The Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to the synagogue. Atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street will say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Watch out for the walls!’
– Dave Barry
More holiday cheer? Go here:
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